Flying
by Felis Callida
Summary: Finn's never really been one for flying. Until Poe, that is.


Finn's never really been one for flying. It's necessary, unless you feel like rotting on the same one planet all your life, wherever that may be. Finn used not to have an opinion on it either way – he didn't hate it, he didn't love it. It was something so completely ordinary, like breathing, that having an opinion on it, loving it, just seemed plain weird to him.

* * *

It's different now. Poe's made it different. Poe makes him want to fly.

* * *

Poe loves flying. It's his life. Finn isn't sure what Poe would do if he couldn't fly anymore. Nothing good, nothing that would make him even nearly as happy, Finn is sure of that. Though Poe flying a ship, either on-planet or off, can barely even be called 'flying'. It's more like dancing, or running, not like he's using a machine at all. It's like the ship's part of him, or he's part of the ship.

* * *

Finn knows that no matter how much he may enjoy it now, he's never going to fully understand what flying means to Poe. He feels something strange whenever he remembers that fact, even if he's not sure what the feeling is.

Alright. He is sure. He knows perfectly well what feeling it is. Jealousy. It's jealousy, because he wants to understand Poe, totally and completely, wants to know everything about him that there is to know, no matter how insignificant it may seem at first glance.

The first time that realization had hit him, he'd run outside and gasped for air and nearly thrown up from dizziness and, frankly, shock. He hadn't expected it, even though, looking back on it, he really should have. It's Poe. There's really no way to feel about him other total adoration.

* * *

Okay, he did not just think that. He's not that love-struck. He isn't.

He might be.

Ugh. Of course. Just what he needs.

* * *

It's not like it makes a difference, though. Finn knows that Poe sees him as a friend, has seen him in that way pretty much since the commandeered that TIE-fighter, and probably will never see him as anything more. It's fine, really.

Really.

He's used to it by now, used to watching Poe and wanting him and knowing that being friends will have to be enough.

It's not.

And it really, really hurts, but it's not like there's anything he can do about it.

* * *

"Tell him," a voice in his head that sounds disconcertingly like Rey's tells him.

"Shut up," he says back, because he'd rather have Poe as a friend than take a chance, ruin everything, and end up not having him at all.

It's actually kind of unlike him to be so cautious, Finn thinks, but Poe is worth being careful, thinking things through. He's worth hurting for.

* * *

Rey understands the flying thing, at least better than Finn does. She and Poe can talk for ages about piloting ships and the best way to do it. Finn can't do anything but sit there with them and occasionally nod or shake his head.

Isn't he useful.

He's trying really hard not to be jealous of Rey. He suspects he's not doing a very good job of it, but still. Does he get points for trying?

He sighs. Probably not.

* * *

"No, no, no," Poe says, laughing. "That just isn't going to work!"

They're eating lunch. Well, Finn is. Rey and Poe are too busy talking.

Rey shakes her head. "It is, if you turn just at the right moment, right before you hit the ground, and pull up again."

"Yeah, no," Poe says drily. "We don't all have Jedi powers, Rey."

Finn can't help but think that when it comes to flying, Poe really kind of does. At least that's what it looks like to Finn.

Rey blushes. "I'm not a Jedi."

"You will be," Poe says.

Finn puts his fork down hard. "Great," he says. "So have we established whether that maneuver will work or not?"

Rey and Poe look at him.

"Um," Poe says. "We're not agreeing on it."

"Fine, good," Finn says. "I'm going to go. Do something."

He gets up and leaves.

He's angry at himself before he's out of the room.

* * *

Poe finds him a little later, sitting outside and overlooking the landing area.

"Hey, Finn," he says.

"Hey," Finn says. He can't look at Poe. "Listen, I'm sorry. About earlier. I didn't mean to – I don't know."

"It's okay." Poe sits down next to him. "We can stop talking about flying when you're there."

Finn has a sinking feeling in his guts. "I know I'm not exactly caught up on the subject, but at least don't stop talking to me!" he says. "Is it that bad for you that I don't understand it?"

"What?" Poe says. "No! I don't want you to feel like we're not including you, that's why!"

"Oh right," Finn mutters, staring at the ships taking off and landing. "I'm sure you and Rey have things to do you don't want to include me in."

Poe is quiet for a couple of seconds. "What do you mean?" he says then.

"Come on. It was pretty obvious during lunch how much of a third wheel I am, with you guys flirting like that."

"Flirting?" Poe says. "With Rey?" he sounds strange, but Finn still can't look up.

He shrugs. "Yeah."

"I wasn't flirting with Rey," Poe says.

"Right," Finn says.

Poe reaches out and cups his jaw, turning Finn's face so they're finally looking each other in the eyes. "I wasn't flirting with Rey," Poe says again. "Why would I?"

"Why wouldn't you?" Finn says. Because let's face it, he can't compete with most people, and definitely not with Rey.

Poe actually laughs now. "Finn," he says, his hand still cupping Finn's jaw. "She's _really_ not my type."

Oh.

Oh!

That makes things look different, Finn thinks.

* * *

He goes to bed that night knowing that everything is going to feel a lot easier now that he knows that at least it's not going to be Poe and Rey. That would just not have been fun. At all. Sure, that doesn't mean anything is going to change for the better, that suddenly Poe is going to fall in love with him, but it's better than nothing.

He stares at the ceiling in the darkness of his room. He wants Poe to fall in love with him. He's never actually thought that thought. It's makes him feel like laughing and crying at the same time.

He's never felt like this. It wasn't like there were lots of romantic opportunities with the First Order. If things went Ren and Hux and Phasma's way, there wouldn't be any emotion at all, except hatred. He turns on his other side and squeezes his eyes shut. He can almost see Poe. Poe is nothing but emotion, and he's beautiful like that.

Finn laughs at his silliness into the dark. It's not a happy laugh, but it's not sad, either.

He decides to stop thinking for the night. He's done enough of that today.

* * *

Of course, he's woken after what feels like seconds by someone shaking his shoulder and whispering his name.

He jumps up, Stormtrooper training getting the better of him, searching for a blaster.

Someone grips his shoulders in the dark.

"Finn, Finn, hey, it's just me," Poe says, and Finn relaxes. "Sorry."

"It's alright," Finn says, turning on the small lamp besides his bed. "What happened? Are we being attacked?"

"No," Poe says.

"Evacuating?"

"Uh, no," Poe says.

"Is it morning? It's really dark."

"It's not morning," Poe says. "Sorry, it – it's stupid, I just – wanted to ask you something."

"What?"

"I wanted to ask you something," Poe repeats.

"No," Finn says. "I get that, what do you wanna ask me?"

"Oh," Poe says, chuckling. "Sorry, I'm not actually very awake right now." He rubs his eyes. It's ridiculously cute. Finn has to look away to stop himself from just pulling Poe into his arms. Oh, this is bad. "I was going to fly for a bit," Poe says. "I was wondering if you wanted to come along."

Finn stares at him.

"Right," Poe says, looking down. "Sorry for waking you. I'm just gonna go –"

"No," Finn says. "Wait. Of course – of course I want to."

He grabs his jacket off the floor where he'd left it last night.

"Where are we going?"

* * *

Nowhere, really, it turns out, just the sky in general.

They're in some ship whose takeoff has definitely not been authorized. Finn's pulled his legs onto his seat and is looking out at the dark sky. It's amazing.

"This part of the planet gets really nice night skies at this time of the year," Poe explains. "I was going to see it and I thought, maybe you'd like it."

"I do," Finn says, still staring at the sky. He can see an endless number of stars and planets up there.

"You get so used to flying around the galaxy just like that, to go wherever you want, that sometimes you forget how amazing it is to be on a planet, looking up," Poe says quietly.

"Yeah," Finn says. He stays quiet for a moment, then adds, "Thank you. For, you know. Taking me here. Showing me this." He indicates the thousands of lights above them.

Poe nods, then smirks. "Wanna see me do some proper flying?"

"Always," Finn says, grinning back as Poe makes the ship do a barrel roll for a start.

* * *

They get back in the early morning, tired but happy. Finn staggers off the ship after Poe. BB-8 greets them with a series of accusatory beeps, probably angry at their leaving him behind.

Poe kneels down in front of the droid and pats him. "Next time we'll take you with us," he promises. BB-8 gently shocks him in return and Poe smiles.

To Finn's surprise, BB-8 comes over to him and rolls around him once before nudging his legs.

Poe watches them. "Don't look so surprised, Finn," he says.

Finn shrugs and carefully pats BB-8's head. "I'm still half-expecting him to shock me at any moment. And not nicely, you know."

BB-8 beeps. Poe laughs. "He says he likes you but it's always good to be alert."

Finn casts BB-8 a suspicious look.

Poe puts a hand on Finn's shoulder.

"Let's go to bed," he says quietly. "You seem like you could use some sleep."

Finn feels like punching the air with glee until he realizes Poe means going to bed separately. In separate beds.

What? He can dream, can't he?

* * *

"So, are you and Poe – you know?" Rey asks one day.

"What?" Finn says.

"Together," Rey says.

"No, no," Finn says. "No, we're not. Where – uh, where in the galaxy did you get that idea?" He laughs. It sounds like C-3PO having a coughing fit.

Rey looks at him, obviously unimpressed. "You're in love with him." It's not even a question, it's a statement.

"Yeah, okay, so I am," he says.

Rey hugs him. He didn't expect that. "Oh, Finn," she says. "Don't look so sad."

"I'm not sad," he lies.

Rey keeps hugging him. He hugs her back. It feels good, knowing that Rey's there for him.

"Thanks," he manages.

"Hey," she says, smiling at him. "That's what friends are for, isn't it?"

He nods. "Wait a second," he says. "Can you tell because of your fancy Jedi training? Does Luke Skywalker teach you stuff like that?"

Rey looks at him. "No," she says. "No. It's – not hard to tell, Finn. Honestly."

"Oh," he says. "Do you think anyone else has noticed?"

Rey doesn't look at him.

"Rey?" he says.

She shifts guiltily. "A couple of people might have," she says.

"A couple of people? Might have? Could you be a little more specific, please?"

She crosses her arms behind her back and looks at the ceiling.

That can't be a good sign.

Finn says, "Rey."

Rey clears her throat. "There's – a betting pool. But not many people are in on it!"

Finn has to sit down. There's no chair, so he sits on the floor.

"Not many. Okay. Who?"

Rey bites her lip. "Everyone, pretty much," she mumbles.

Finn puts his head on his knees.

* * *

They're flying so close to the water that it's splashing the ship's windows.

Finn laughs as Poe pulls the ship up so that they just miss hitting the cliffs.

It was supposed to be a serious information gathering mission, but Rey and Chewie are doing the biggest part of it, so Finn and Poe have lots of free time on a planet neither of them have been on before.

"We should get a drink," he says once they've landed.

"Might as well," Poe agrees. "We've got tons of time until the rendezvous."

And that's how they end up drunk in a bar.

Finn leans across the table, way into Poe's personal space. Poe smells nice.

"You know," Finn slurs. "You know?"

"No," Poe says, laughing. "What?"

"There's a pool on us," Finn says.

"A pool? Like a lake?"

Finn starts to laugh as well, and then he can't stop.

"Fiiinn," Poe says, pointing a finger at him in what's probably supposed to be a strict manner. "Tell me!"

"Nooo," Finn mocks him. He shakes his head.

Poe sighs. "I want a drink," he says.

"You have to fly us back," Finn says. "You can't have another one."

Poe snickers. "I can't fly like this," he says. "Rey will have to."

"We're here with two ships," Finn says. "One for her and Chewie. One for us."

Poe frowns. "Why did we do that?"

"I don't know, I don't make the plans!" Finn says. "It was so that if one team missed the rendezvous we could get home easily."

"Oh," Poe says, nodding, as if the entire galaxy makes sense to him now. "I see."

"We missed the rendezvous, didn't we?" Finn says.

"Yeah." Poe looks sad.

"Don't look sad, please," Finn tells him. "You're so gorgeous when you're happy."

Poe gives him a teasing smile. "Only when I'm happy?"

"What?"

"You just said I'm gorgeous when I'm happy," Poe says.

Finn shakes his head. "No," he says. "I didn't. I only thought that. In my head."

"No, you didn't," Poe says.

Finn wants to protest, but to be honest he's not entirely sure anymore whether he said it or not, so he doesn't.

"We need to get to the ship to contact the others," Poe says, getting up and nearly falling over. Finn takes his hand to steady him. Poe's hands are cool and dry and Finn really wants to kiss him.

"I'm drunk," he says.

"That's okay, so 'm I," Poe says.

Finn nods happily and gets up as well.

It takes them a while to find the ship.

* * *

Rey is not amused.

"Poe," Finn hears her over the comm. "Chewie and I were really worried, and you got smashed in a bar? Seriously?"

Finn wrestles the comm away from Poe. "We're fiiine, Rey, stop nagging," he says.

Rey says something in a language he doesn't understand. Chewie roars in the background.

"Right," Rey says. She sighs. "You're in no condition to fly home."

"Come back and get us!" Poe says, grabbing the comm from Finn.

Rey laughs. "No," she says. "We're halfway home. You're the ones who decided to get drunk, so you'll have to sleep in the ship and fly home in the morning. See you then."

And she turns off the comm.

"Rey's mean," Poe says, scowling.

"I know, right? She looks so innocent, but –" Finn slams his hand onto the controls of the ship.

Poe nods seriously.

"Sleep," Finn says, because that's all he craves right now. In addition to Poe, anyway, but he's so used to that after all this time that it barely registers.

"There's a bed in the rec area," Poe says.

The ship is tiny, it's made for two people to use it for short-time interplanetary travel. The presumption is that sleep would be organized in shifts.

"You can have the bed," Finn mumbles.

"Don't be stupid," Poe says.

"You're the pilot, you're amazing, you get the bed," Finn insists.

"I love you," Poe says.

Finn's jaw drops.

"Can we pretend I didn't say that?" Poe says.

Finn shakes his head.

Poe looks away. "I'm drunk," he says.

"Me too," Finn says, and kisses him.

That ends the discussion about who gets the bed.

* * *

His head is going to explode.

Finn opens his eyes very, very carefully and blinks into the light.

Ow ow ow.

Poe is asleep next to him. The bed really is tiny, and Poe is wrapped around him, one leg thrown over Finn's, hands on Finn's back, holding onto him. Finn vaguely remembers Poe tracing his scars and telling him that he was brave, and beautiful, and all kinds of other amazing things Finn had barely dared to dream about before last night.

But they'd been drunk, and not just a little.

He carefully extracts himself from Poe's embrace, even though he's never wanted to do anything less in his life.

He gets up and stumbles into the ship's tiny bathroom.

It takes him ages to get ready because every movement makes him feel like he's going to die.

When he comes back out, Poe is getting up. He walks past Finn into the bathroom with a mumble, pressing his hands to his face.

Finn trots outside and sits down in the sun. He closes his eyes, trying not to think. The fresh air is making him feel slightly better.

He wants to see Poe, to speak to him, to ask him what now, but he's afraid. Everything's probably ruined now. He shakes his head. It's too late now to try and change anything. He can't do anything besides wait for Poe.

* * *

A little while later, Poe comes outside and sits down next to him. He must have held his head under the tap in the sink because his hair is wet and disarrayed.

"So," Finn says.

"I'm sorry about last night," Poe says.

It feels like crash landing on Jakku all over.

"Right," Finn says.

"I shouldn't have – I shouldn't have made you –"

"I kissed you first," Finn says. "You didn't make me do anything."

"I told you that I – you know."

"Did you mean it?" Finn asks. His heart is beating almost painfully fast and he doesn't know if he wants to hear Poe's answer.

"Of course I did," Poe says without hesitation. "But it's not fair, I shouldn't have expected –"

Finn kisses him. Again. He can't help himself.

"Sorry," he says quickly, once they've broken apart. "I should've let you finish talking."

"I'm actually fine with not talking," Poe says.

Finn chuckles and leans in for another kiss when Poe puts a hand on his chest.

"Wait a moment," he says.

Finn looks at him expectantly.

"Did you say something about an ocean last night?" Poe says.

"No?"

"A – a lake?"

"No… oh! Oh," Finn says. "No. It was – about a pool. There's a pool between – everyone, apparently. They've had it for a while, I think."

Poe looks slightly confused. "What kind of pool? What for?"

"A betting pool," Finn says. "On if we get together."

Poe's the one to lean in this time, to kiss Finn, warm and soft and just like Finn's always hoped he would.

Finn wraps an arm around Poe's waist and runs his other hand through the soft hair at the nape of Poe's neck.

Stars. He can already tell that he will never, ever be able to do this enough.

When they both need to breathe again, Poe pulls away. "You know what?" he says.

"What?" Finn asks, distracted by – well, by Poe.

Poe presses another quick kiss against Finn's lips, stays closer this time. Finn can feel Poe's lips move against his cheek as he speaks.

"We should've put money in," Poe whispers.

Finn laughs.

He feels like flying.


End file.
